Modern Metabolic Health with Dr. Lindsay Ogle, MD

Grace Over Guilt: Practicing Self-Compassion Around Holiday Eating

• Lindsay Ogle, MD

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Holiday food shouldn’t come with a side of shame. Dr. Lindsay Ogle sits down with registered dietitian Melissa Mitri to rethink willpower, ditch all-or-nothing rules, and build sustainable habits through self-compassion. We zoom in on what actually keeps people consistent—short recovery after slip-ups, a growth mindset, and small daily choices that align with long-term health. Melissa brings clear strategies you can use at your next gathering, from the power of the pause to choosing the two or three dishes that truly matter, and savoring them without guilt.

We break down why compassion is not “soft”—it’s a research-backed tool that helps you rebound faster and avoid the spiral that follows harsh self-talk. You’ll learn how to swap restriction for addition: add protein for steadier appetite, add fiber and water for fullness, add brief post-meal walks for better glucose control, and add mindful savoring to boost satisfaction. We also explore honest tracking without judgment, building trust with your coach, and celebrating non-scale wins like calmer meals, better energy, and fewer all-or-nothing episodes.

By the end, you’ll have a practical plan for holidays and beyond: pause before you plate, pick what you love, eat slowly, release the guilt, and return to your baseline habits the next day. Health is built on patterns, not perfection, and the 80–20 rule leaves room for joy while protecting progress. If this conversation helps you breathe easier around food, tap follow, share it with someone who needs a kinder approach, and leave a quick review to help others find the show.

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Melissa Mitri, MS, RD is a registered dietitian and owner of Melissa Mitri Nutrition, a virtual private practice specializing in sustainable weight loss for women. She helps women achieve lasting results through personalized, science-based nutrition strategies that fit their real lives—without restriction or guilt. In her practice, Melissa also supports clients using GLP-1 medications and empowers them to build healthy habits for long-term success. She believes everyone has the power to improve their health, one small habit at a time.


Connect with Melissa:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theweightloss.dietitian/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-mitri-ms-rd-9539789/

Website: https://melissamitri.com/about/


Article written by Melissa that was mentioned: https://www.loseit.com/articles/why-self-compassion-is-key-for-weight-loss/

👩🏼‍⚕️ Live in Missouri? What to be my patient?
Telehealth clinic: https://missourimetabolichealth.com


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Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Welcome to the Modern Metabolic Health Podcast with your host, Dr. Lindsay Ogle, board certified family medicine and obesity medicine physician. Here we learn how we can treat and prevent modern metabolic conditions such as diabetes, PCOS, fatty liver disease, metabolic syndrome, sleep apnea, and more. We focus on optimizing lifestyle while utilizing safe and effective medical treatment. Please remember that while I am a physician, I am not your physician. Everything discussed here is provided as general medical knowledge and not direct medical advice. Please talk to your doctor about what is best for you. Welcome back to Modern Metabolic Health with Dr. Lindsay Olgel. Today I have a very special guest, Melissa Mitri. She is a registered dietitian and owner of Melissa Meetri Nutrition, which is a virtual private practice specializing in sustainable weight loss for women. She helps women achieve lasting results through personalized science-based nutrition strategies that fit their real lives without restriction or guilt. In her practice, Melissa also supports clients who use GLP1 medications and empowers them to build healthy habits for long-term success. She believes everyone has the power to improve their health one small bite at a time. And I actually learned about Melissa through another podcast on the Dr. Frankovella show. And what really stuck with me was how she emphasized compassion in her approach to helping her patients. And with the holidays coming up, I decided to reach out to Melissa through Instagram. And she was gracious enough to take the time to talk about and a compassionate approach to nutrition and health during the holiday season. So thank you so much for being here.

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Thank you so much, Dr. Ogle. I'm happy to be here to talk about this important and really timely conversation.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Yeah, so let's just get started with what self-compassion actually is, and especially in the context of eating and weight management.

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, sure. So when we think of self-compassion, just for a little bit of context, you know, in my practice, uh and in I know a lot of my dietitian colleagues' practices, many, uh many of our clients, um, many of us come in uh sort of with a mindset of like that all or nothing sort of approach that is kind of stems from a lot of different areas, but um, but mainly from diet culture, uh, the kind of this, you know, black or white thinking with eating, with our health habits. Um, and that's sort of the becomes the opposite of self-compassion. So really practicing self-compassion is really giving yourself grace when you're not, you know, you feel like you're not doing things perfectly, and really just treating yourself like you would a good friend or loved one. Um, so in in simplicity, for simplicity's sake, it's just being kind to yourself. Um, and that can apply in a lot of different settings, but especially it applies in the context of uh healthy eating and when you're trying to build healthier habits over time. Um, you know, we'll talk about why it's so important to practice that self-compassion and how the research really proves that it can be really helpful for long-term success in weight management, too.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Yeah, I think that self-compassion is so important in many aspects. And we were talking before we started recording that I also treat many patients with um substance use disorders, and that I see that you know come into play a lot with those patients, as well as my patients that I'm seeing for weight management. And so I think it's a very um human practice that we we actually need to develop and practice over time. And what can be so wonderful is when you have a provider who does emphasize that, then it can really open the door to um uh creating that practice within yourself. So I'm so great. It's wonderful to hear that you have that approach as well. Um, because often when people are um following a quote unquote diet or are trying to improve their health, there's a lot of talk about willpower. So could you um touch on the difference between willpower and self-compassion and um I guess the where they may come into play together?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, sure. So willpower we think of as this thing that's being that's that feels difficult, that we have these temptations around us, um good food, especially around the holiday season as we're approaching that now, um, and feeling like we have to restrict ourselves or that you can't um, you know, you have to take a lot of sort of strength to say no uh to certain foods. And so really the opposite of that, and when we talk about self-compassion and kind of switching the mindset to focus more on that, practicing self-compassion is really just um being, again, being kind to yourself and kind of thinking of it in the fact that um, you know, these foods are enjoyment for many of us. These are the holidays, these foods sometimes are maybe foods that you're only having once in a while. Um, and uh and when I think about willpower, I think about, well, um, you know, it doesn't have to feel that hard. Um, it's really about just kind of looking at the big picture of um, you know, choosing what you really want, choosing the types of foods that maybe you don't normally have and that um have more of a sort of meaning to you with your traditions. Um, and kind of, you know, something that I tell a lot of my clients in the context of all this is is really thinking of it as, well, um, you know, we don't need to necessarily um, you know, feel the pressure to have everything, um, but to really make again make that food more meaningful and just remembering that um, you know, that food also will be here all the time. And it's not, it's not just around the holidays either.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Yeah, that is so helpful and um kind of touches back on that all or nothing thinking and just the I also hear you kind of touching on the importance of being intentional and also making sure that you are really enjoying um the indulgences when you do choose to do that, because that is that is a part of life and and we're not looking for like you know, perfect, you know, 100% perfect nutrition all of the time. That is not reasonable, recommended um by any means. So um what sort of practical tips do you have for anybody who is, you know, maybe going to a holiday party coming up or planning their family dinner? Um what do you tell some of your clients um around this time?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, so one thing that I often recommend is sort of just pausing. Um, so sort of having like a just a grounding pause that uh where you're taking a quick breath before, you know, before you start eating and making your food choices and sort of just checking in to see how hungry are you, um, asking yourself what choice would really make you feel satisfied most satisfied and comfortable. And um, I I kind of term this the power of the pause. This is something that I tell my clients um or kind of guide them through in a lot of different challenging situations, um, but especially around the holidays, kind of just taking that quick pause uh before reaching for something to take a step back, um, to kind of challenge sort of the um the sort of automatic negative thoughts that tell that, you know, some of us may be saying, like, oh, I can't have this or this is a bad choice, um, some of the things that might be going through your mind when making these choices and trying to kind of um, you know, shut off those thoughts and really kind of transition them into what what types of foods would make me feel good right now? Um, what are my favorite choices that are around right here? And kind of taking a quick scan on what's available and asking yourself which foods would make you feel the most satisfied. So that again, it's not um necessarily needing to have everything because a lot of times, um, you know, if you choose everything just because it's there, it ends up not being that satisfying too. Um, and it's so it's it's really kind of making those more intentional choices. Um, and again, just reminding yourself that food is enjoyment and that's okay. Um, but it's just being more strategic so that the choices that you do make, you feel really satisfied. And then naturally you may be less likely to overeat in those scenarios, too, where overeating may be easy to do. So that's really one of the biggest strategies that I recommend. But also another another strategy that can be helpful is really just to kind of take things slow when eating around the holidays and kind of just giving yourself permission to enjoy the food. Um, and again, trying to get um, you know, kind of lighten that guilt that may be coming up. Uh, because when there is guilt around uh eating, then um in any situation, it can, you know, often backfire and feel like, why did I eat this way? And then it ends up becoming that domino effect of the next day you're eating that way again or you're overindulging. Um, and it just doesn't feel good. So it's really just kind of giving yourself permission to enjoy those foods, savoring them slowly without the guilt, really fully enjoying them, not rushing through. Um, and then, and then in that way it's much more satisfying and again can result in that just naturally eating in a way that feels better physically and mentally.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Yeah, I love that approach and definitely support that for everybody. And I think it's very it, those are all great tips that people can take right away and um apply to this holiday season or anytime um throughout the year. Um, and it's just yeah, really great advice. Um I also have a follow-up question. If somebody did not get that advice ahead of time, or maybe they did but um were not able to follow through at um an event and maybe later on that night or the next day are feeling guilty or shameful, um, how would you recommend um patients or clients or anybody manage that the next day?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, that's a great question. So, what I would suggest is really, again, kind of taking a step back and putting it all into perspective. And so if there was one meal, one day, or even multiple days that uh that you had felt or a patient had felt that they had overeaten um or overindulged, then um, it's just reminding yourself that you're human. Um, we're all human and nobody eats perfectly, and that's not the expectation either, um, when it comes to being healthy and striving for that. And um, and just remembering that the fact of the matter is one meal or one day or even several days would not make or break your health. Um, and really um it can be more helpful when um when those feelings come up to um again, sort of put it into perspective and just think of it in a way of, well, what can I do differently next time? And not in a place coming from a place of judgment um or guilt, um, but thinking, well, the next time I'm in that situation, what can I do a little bit differently in order to make sure that I feel my best and that I'm fully present in the moment? Because that's really the goal, right? Is that we want um everyone wants to enjoy the holiday season in time with family and friends and all of those things. Um, and the food really is just part of that. Um, but the really more meaningful parts are what we're doing and the socializing and all of those special times.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Yeah, absolutely. I find curiosity to be such a powerful emotion because it opens the door to learn from all of our experiences when um you know, a contrast to that, if we're just being, you know, very harsh on ourselves, um, it does not invite us to learn from prior experiences. So um, yeah, taking a curious, compassionate approach, um, then we can, you know, learn and do um differently in the future if we choose to. Um, and I'm sure that you've experienced, you know, um some people come probably come to you and are, you know, worried to share that maybe they they did overindulge or um like quote unquote slipped up on their nutrition plan. Um, but obviously with your compassionate approach, you uh, you know, want them to share that with you. Um is that something that um you're able to build up like that trust with your patients and clients over time that they can share that with you? Um or how do you approach that?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, so I I really try to have that conversation from the get-go with my clients. And so from day one, um, even when um all of my clients, I offer a sort of a, you know, an introduction screening call where we have a conversation and um, you know, I can see how I can best help them and what they're struggling with. And in that conversation, um, we talk about some of the things that my, you know, that I would help them with. And one of those being that um, you know, they're going to be tracking what they're eating in some way, shape, or form that works best for them. Um, and that I'll help them, you know, kind of monitor that and provide feedback, et cetera. Um, but with that said, I always let them know right from the get-go that I'm I'm not here to judge, I'm here to support them. Um and I encourage them to um to be open and honest in um, you know, all the details of what they're eating and what might be leading up to that, all of those things, because that's really just really fully helping them. Um, because um if you think about it, I always bring it back to if somebody was working with a therapist um and if they weren't sharing um the things that were bothering them, then therapists can't best help them. And so um it does add a little bit of um vulnerability that I know sometimes um might be difficult for some people. Um, but knowing um like myself and others that have this more compassionate approach, that um that it's really um, you know, we're I'm here to support. And that's what I tell them right from the start, that um, you know, the reason that they're tracking is so that we can see where some of the barriers and challenges might be lying and um and also be able to take that step back to see what is leading up to those habits and how can we um, you know, kind of change what's leading up to it in order to help them to feel their best.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Yeah, I love that. I love that you um kind of go through that with every single person that you even will potentially work with. Um, so it lays the groundwork that this is an expected part of the experience and working together. Um, I know some people think like self-compassion is like soft or woo-woo or not necessary. And you mentioned earlier about you know, studies that prove how important it is to actually make progress, you know, moving forward. Could you talk more about that?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, so I actually I started researching this, even though this is a topic that I talk about often with clients, but I was very intrigued by it because I came across a couple of years ago an initial study, one study, there's one of several out there on this topic. Um, and I wrote an article about it because I was so intrigued of how there is, there really was solid research that basically shows to sum up that um that people that are more self-compassionate and really meaning kind of like stopping the negative thoughts and being um, you know, again, reminding themselves that they're a human, giving themselves grace when they feel like they had slip-ups, um, they really tend to have more long-term success with weight management, with being more consistent with their habits. So, um, and kind of just staying, um, staying the course. Uh, because um, you know, really when breaking these studies down, and this is I see this in my own practice as well, is um when you're um, you know, kind of practicing that self-compassion, when you feel like you've had an you know an off day, um, you're able to get back on track and kind of get back to those healthy habits much sooner. Um, versus um, you know, the trend often happens is if you um, you know, beat yourself up over things, then it lead often leads to kind of veering off for several days or maybe weeks and start starting to feel like you don't have the ability to do the work or do the what's necessary, and it becomes that spiral effect. And so the research really shows that those that are um, you know, able to uh give themselves grace when these things happen are able to come more quickly kind of get back to those healthy habits, which in turn leads to more consistency and leads to better results.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Wonderful. Yeah, and if you want, we can definitely include a link to that article because that sounds like really great information. Um some things that come to mind because somebody is like still hesitant on the term compassion or self-compassion, um, while you were talking and you know, explaining the definition and how this you know portrays and studies. I also think of like resiliency and like um the fixed mindset versus um growth mindset. So it sounds like people who have self-compassion are resilient and have a growth mindset because they are able to reflect in and grow from their experiences. Um, so I think that's another way um if somebody is still hesitant about that term, could and apply it.

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

I completely agree. I think that's a great way of describing it to see that that contrast uh because really having that fixed mindset is kind of just thinking, well, um because I'm not able to do it right now, it's two hours, so I'm never going to be able to do it. And so that really having that growth mindset and having having faith in yourself that it is possible. Um, and always, always remembering that um building healthy habits takes time. And if we think about um, you know, a lot of like a lot of my clients who come to me that have made try may have tried um quote unquote dieting and different sort of strategies um several times in their life. And so um, you know, it it takes time to um to develop those habits, those habits that they're trying to break. And so it's going to take some time to break those habits and create new habits at the same time. And it's not expected to be overnight. So um it's almost expected to have these days where things won't go as planned and and and that's part of life, and that's okay. And that's okay, and that's you know, that's our roles as um, you know, clinicians and dietitians to really support um support our patients and remind them of that because that's that's the reality of it.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Couldn't agree more. And I'm sure you also see this in your practice is many people don't want to celebrate until they reach like their ultimate goal, um, whatever that is. And um part of my practice is you know, every session or visit, pulling out, you know, wins that we can celebrate along the way. And so often people are overlooking these like like to me, huge milestones. And when they reflect, they're like, oh, actually, that is a big improvement over, you know, X amount of time. Um, because if we get just so focused on, you know, that that ultimate goal or like that big goal, we don't see all of the progress that has been so wonderful before that. Um, and then also the mind just continues to push back that goal. So when people even reach it, they're like, oh well, now that's great, but I have this next one to achieve.

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, I completely agree with that. I think going back to the wins, um, that's something also I um talk about regularly with clients. Like every time we meet, I have a sort of a check-in form, a brief form that um, you know, ask them a few questions. And one of them being, what were your what were your wins since we last met? And a lot of times that they're not always scale wins, they're not always weight changes. And because that's not, that's only one of many wins that um a patient will experience. And so um, and then we, you know, it's really, I agree it's really helpful to talk about that along the way because uh just as humans, we tend to be more negative and think more on the uh what I'm not doing right or not doing good enough. And there's always good things that are happening along the way, and that can really motivate um you two to keep going and remember that it's it's a process, kind of enjoy the process versus, you know, trying to aim for this big win. Um, because when you then get to that point, if your big win is to get to a certain weight, well, what happens then? Do you stop doing, you know, stop practicing the healthy habits or are you enjoying the process? And that's really what's going to, you know, ultimately get you those big wins. But uh we need to be more, more consistent and enjoy it along the way.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Yes, yes. Um, so for those listening who are trying to find a healthy balance between enjoying the holidays and then sticking to their health goals, um, what's one mindset shift or a simple strategy that you would recommend?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, great question. So I would say first and foremost, just when it comes to the all the holiday things, um, focusing more on what to add to your diet rather than restrict and not even just to diet, but just to your overall day-to-day life. So that can mean um, you know, instead of to kind of think about the contrast, so instead of thinking about what you need to stay away from or what you can't have, think about what to add. So for the diet, think about more protein at meals, for example, more water or calorie-free beverages during the day that are hydrating, that are that taste good, um, a short walk after dinner, um, or even just the act of enjoying food more, slowing down to enjoy your food. So kind of thinking at it more in a positive way versus um, you know, I'm going to this big event and I have to have all this willpower. Um, you know, really the the focus on addition rather than subtraction with any day of the year is really a much more enjoyable way to think about it. And and it really works because um if you have more protein at meals or you have more fiber at meals, um, more fruits and vegetables that you actually like and enjoy, then you will feel more full and you probably will eat less naturally or in a way that just makes you feel physically great. Um, so and it's much more sustainable way, um, especially throughout the holiday season, then you'll come out of the holiday season feeling uh better and um and not having that feeling that you have to you know start over again January 1st.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

So yes, which is just another day, um, reminding everybody about that too. Exactly. Yes. Um thank you for that great advice and all of the knowledge that you shared. Is there anything else that you would like to say today?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, I would just close with just a reminder that, you know, being successful in um your healthy habits, it's not about being perfect. Um, it's really just about showing up for yourself more most of the time, kind of like that 80-20 rule. Um and it's more about the patterns of what you're doing on most days that matter the most and just be flexible with yourself because life happens, um, you know, remembering and trusting that if you feel like you veered off one day, you absolutely have the ability to get right back on track.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Wonderful. And if anybody wants to find you and work with you or follow you to learn more, where should they go?

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

Yeah, so they can follow me on Instagram. I'm at theweightloss.dietician. Um, I also have my website where you can reach out and schedule a free call with me, like I mentioned, and that's Melissamatri.com. Um, and for any clinicians that are listening, I'm very active on LinkedIn as well.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

So wonderful. Well, thank you so much for taking the time. I will include those links below. And I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

Melissa Mitri, MS, RD:

You too. Thank you so much.

Dr. Lindsay Ogle:

Thank you for listening and learning how you can improve your metabolic health in this modern world. If you found this information helpful, please share with a friend, family member, or colleague. We need to do all we can to combat the dangerous misinformation that is out there. Please subscribe and write a review. This will help others find the podcast so they may also improve their metabolic health. I look forward to our conversation next week.